Did I See God? (and Do I Sound Flaky for Saying That?)

Hi, friends in Christ. I am just going to type more or less word for word what I journalled today. It is long.

Before this morning's ritual I went to the shore of the Bedford Basin. There was almost no movement in the water. Just the slightest lapping (if you could even call it that). Small, thin pieces of ice dotting the surface of the clear though polluted salt water. No seals today. I am always watching for seals.

I was able to put my present stressful life in perspective. I am feeling overwhelmed with all the work of a new Africa youth project, 2 sermons I have to prepare, a sleepover, rotation idea kits and much more. The kind of ministry density I have created is too much. I start to function less efficiently. I start to feel physically unwell. And I forget that the world will still turn without me. The world doesn't need me though I can add to it.

(off to try to meditate now)

Fresh out of my meditation. Wow. I don't know if I've ever experienced anything like that. I feel like I saw and felt God.

I don't know if I had my eyes closed for 15 or 30 minutes. Time melted away though I could always hear the ticking of my clocks. I was very aware of my space on one level but a whole other awareness was filling me. The words "full of God" became my experience. The reading for this week says that Sabbath is time full of God. I could feel energy swelling in my body; almost like pressing out on my skin from the inside.

I kept reminding myself: "have no expectations". (Words from my mentor.) A few "successful" meditations in the past involved seeing bright yellow light shifting and dancing. But today I sensed the most comforting, peaceful darkness. If there was colour it was purple, almost black. I could see undulations of energy washing from left to right and at an angle down, like at the shore today. I was perfectly comfortable and actually felt energy pulling me backward (could have been the pillow behind my back) but it was a bouyant pulling. And I felt aliveness and soft electricity on the upper half of the back of my head. It was warm.

I slipped in and out of thought around all this. In a moment of thinking that I was losing the meditation I suddenly felt a presence rush in and fill me more deeply and fully than ever before. I thought, "This is God". "I can see God."

I felt absolutely that I was in the company of a force. It was like the black-purple undulating energy of before but it had a name. It was joyful without being happy (which is shallower). I felt immediately that it was trying to or was about to communicate with me. I thought maybe it was saying something but not with words and I didn't know how to listen.

I felt incredibly alive, not at all drowsy as I often feel when I try to meditate.

I feel no desire to pull a message or a meaning from this. I discern nothing except that I feel like I saw the energy or essence of God. And I am so grateful for this encounter. I long for this in all my ministry and churchy stuff and I rarely, rarely feel it there.